BIG AND SMALL FURRY FRIENDS

 A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to the vet: "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for it?"
"Well" said the vet "lets have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and has a good look at it's eyes.
"Well" says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down"
"Just because he's cross-eyed?" says the man.
"No, because he's heavy" says the vet.

 A lady awoke one morning and discovered her dog was not moving. She called her vet who asked her to bring the dog in. After a brief examination, the vet pronounced the dog dead.
"Are you sure?", the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?"
The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do." He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.
"Well, that confirms it." the vet announced. "Your dog is dead."
Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?"
"That will be $330." the vet replied.
"I don't believe it!!!", screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330??
"Well", the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

 Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

 Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

 Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

 A burglar is sneaking through this house one night, when out of the darkness comes a voice, "I can see you, and so can Jesus".

The burglar freezes in his tracks and is too frightened to move. After ten minutes, nothing has happened so he moves forward. Again from the darkness comes the voice, "I can see you, and so can Jesus". The burglar is petrified and too frightened to move a muscle.
After thirty minutes, he decides to do something. He backs very slowly and tentatively to the wall and feels around for a light switch. He switches on the light and there in front of him, sit a cockatoo in a cage, who says, "I can see you, and so can Jesus".

Greatly relieved, the burglar sighs, "It's just a cocky". The cocky looks at the burglar and says, "I might be just a cocky but Jesus is a big German Shepherd".